I've been thinking about this verse a lot lately. I kind of imagine it's from my recent tendency to look at topics in the "Prayer Requests" topic of the One Year Adventure Novel forum.
It's gotten to the point that I feel very sheepish about posting anything there--school troubles, money and college troubles, college fears--because when I look at that board it just all seems so trivial. I'm not normally and regularly depressed. I like my family. Immediate and extended. I actually (gasp) like the Christmas season and don't feel compelled to wear black all the time. I haven't been emotionally and physically abused by myself or anyone else.
The biggest and most constant "problem" with my life is the lack of money, and my dad even has a steady job, for the first time in ages. There is a $20,000 gap between scholarships I've won or have a chance to win and the actual cost of college, but that's not going to kill me. It's a family of 10, my parents do what they can. There are a lot worse things that could be happening.
I wonder sometimes if my opinion of my life is just because I don't recognize things that are supposed to distress me. I could say I get depressed, but it is in bouts and almost always related to to academic performance. Not really a heart-throb there. I don't spend my life Hamlet-ing and though I've cried myself to sleep, it's not every night or every week or even every month. Most recently it was just because I felt called to college and didn't want to live in New York City.
There is something else, though. It's just something I'm used to living with. I have all of these words, all of these thoughts, but it is like they're locked inside of me. They come out when I write novels, when I talk to people online, when I write blog posts. But normally, they're stuck inside.
Again, though, doesn't seem like a huge tragedy. Except that I know it is wrong. And I don't know why I'm so scared. Entering the online world has shown me just how much I really do like--and love--people. I don't know why it's so hard in real life.
All this combined makes me wonder if Luke 12:48 is pointing at me--not just me, of course--and is something of a warning. I have a solid base in my family. I've grown up Christian--I've claimed it as my own now, but I always had that support system. Life is really fairly easy, all things considered.
And it's not supposed to be. Jesus didn't promise easy.
There's a topic on the forum right now where the argument is being made that some people just get to be happy and comfortable, and other people have to be depressed and live in an earthly hell. I don't believe this, exactly. I'm thinking, though, that I'm not quite where I should be yet. Life hasn't slugged me with a lot of things, so I wonder if I'm more equipped for going out there and taking some of this stuff that's wrong with the world head-on.
I always feel a little defensive when I realize I have no idea what some of my friends and acquaintances, my fellow writers, are going through. I suddenly want to hide, somehow. Thinking I must be missing something that's wrong with my life or I must be about in for a dozy. Which I suppose could be true.
"It is best to love first what you are fitted to love, I suppose: you must start somewhere and have some roots, and the soil of the Shire is deep." -Meriadoc Brandybuck
I've grown up in the Shire, not on the borders of Mordor. That doesn't mean I can't get out there and battle evil with those who have. God has plans for all of us: sometimes it just a matter of finding out exactly what it is.
Merry Christmas and God bless us, everyone!