Lately, though, it seems like God has been saying two things to me over and over again: trust and wait.
Really, the wait thing is really more than one word. It’s more like: waiting is good. Waiting is worth it. Mostly because that’s what I’ve been realizing lately. I had a two-year frustrating dryness between the wonder of Forest of Lies and the wonder of Quintessence. I had already decided, in fact, that waiting was worth it, because of how awesome writing Quintessence really was.
Very recently, though, it smacked me again.
I haven’t been patiently waiting with Forest of Lies at all. I didn’t know I was waiting, actually. I just knew I wasn’t done with Forest of Lies, Robin wasn’t done with me, and all I could mange to do was hit a brick wall over, and over, and over again. 2.5 years. I gave up Forest of Lies several times, sometimes even on this blog. But a few months would pass, and it would be back at me, hammering away. I had to edit it. I had to fix it somehow. It wasn’t finished, I didn’t know how to implement what I wanted to do with it, and I was an overall very frustrated young lady.
About a week ago, I exploded all over my beloved OYAN forum about how Forest of Lies was driving me insane, how I couldn’t edit it, how I wanted desperately too, and how people kept telling me to self-publish it, and yet I wasn’t happy with just giving it up and putting it out there when I wasn’t quite satisfied with it....
So I started reading through it again. I jumped through the book, reading parts. It wasn’t half as bad as I thought, though still lacking. I jotted down a simple idea about the Ralph/Marian relationship. I closed it up and went to bed.
It took me a few days and lots of self-doubt to realize that that simple idea was all that was left. It was all I needed. It slid into place with all of the other ideas I had for the book, it synthesized feedback, it suddenly clicked. I could make the motivation make sense. I could fix everything.* I COULD CONQUER THE WORLD.**
I actually edited chapter 1. Chapter 1, the looming monster with huge, imperfect teeth to chew my editing muse (yes, they exist) into tiny pieces and spit it back out across my face, halting all other progress. I edited it and destroyed the monster. Then I edited chapter 2.
I proceeded to explode all over the internet again, this time in crazed, jubilant celebration. I wanted to laugh, to scream, and to cry.
Those 2.5 years of relentless, fighting, exhausting, frustrating waiting turned out to be totally worth it.
I don’t know why I had to kick this book around in my head so long before I got the pieces--maybe it’s just my plot elephant style. Or maybe it was that I needed to grow before Forest of Lies could grow.
But whatever it was, maybe someday I’ll finally learn that waiting is always worth it, and God’s timing is always right.
*Well, maybe not quite everything.
**This doesn’t really have anything to do with editing.